Don’t know if you read my blog about our sweet kitty, CG, disappearing but she did. On Oct 4th I fed her and her brother - nothing unusual and then suddenly the next morning - no CG. I went looking for her all around the neighborhood - no CG. I cried, I wrote a blog about her, I worked on accepting that she was gone and then …
On Thursday, Oct 11 she came in through the cat door as if she had never left. My husband and I were so happy to see her. She definitely looked skinnier but did not look hurt or traumatized. I could not have been happier, and then something really strange started to happen.
I found myself really worried that she would disappear again and I found myself struggling to let go of the idea that we would just loose her again and that I would be so sad all over again. My brain, George, was on overdrive with messages of worry and message of “whats the point in life” things always end badly. I actually started dipping into a bit of depression. I called in sick to work and found myself sitting on the couch trying to calm myself with ice cream.
This went on for several days, the grief of the week that she was gone truly exhausted me and I stopped some of my self-care habits: exercising, eating right, and my mindful work. I allowed my negative brain to take over and I went pretty low.
I’m wired on the negative side of life and I have to consciously work to stay positive - its effort but well worth it. There is no way to have love & joy in our lives with risking the pain of loss. It took a couple of days but I’m back on track enjoying the kitties, doing the work of letting go of thoughts that are not helpful and staying more in the here & now.
I challenge you to notice any negative thoughts you are having and any fear/worry of any pain that is to come.